Gun Law Reform: An Opinion

There is no question that major gun law reform is long overdue in the US.

Before I go into this, I want to say up front: there are people on this page who witnessed this. They won’t talk for various reasons including potential liability, but they were there. I found out years later there was another witness: noted dudebro Tucker Max, who broadly embellished this story in one of his books.

Back when I was in the wrestling business we did a gig at a joint in Durham NC. After the show, me and a few of the other guys were sitting at the bar having beers, just chillin, and this tiiiiiiiiny little biker dude with a mile-long mullet comes up to us and decides he’s gonna pick a fight with the biggest guy in the room. He was legit like…6’3″, maybe 270, built every inch like the jacked up barrel-chested stereotype of a pro wrestler. I’m not a small guy myself, but this cat’s biceps looked like my thighs.

The wrestler kept telling the dude, you don’t want to do this. You don’t want to do this, you don’t want to do this. You’re gonna get yourself hurt and in trouble, you don’t want to do this. I’m just havin a beer, minding my own biz, why don’t you go find something else to do, you don’t want to do this, this isn’t going to end well for you. Stop. Simmer down and go away.

Of course, little mullet dude didn’t simmer down and didn’t go away, and eventually he made his mistake and was promptly rearranged into a human daiquiri.

People who want to argue with me about gun control remind me of that little biker dude.

Fundamentally anyone opposing gun law reform in this country is advocating for their preference that innocent children continue dying by the truckload so they can feel safe getting their half-caf skinny mocha latte with rainbow sprinkles…but they just keep trying to make it about everything else. Even though they know their position is ethically indefensible and they don’t have a prayer of coming out of the argument with anything but embarrassment and humiliation, their need to try to camouflage their fundamental cowardice and fear of literally everything that moves in a bunch of empty NRA agitprop just will not stop.

Never in the history of anything have I run into a gun owner who argued stridently against gun law reform and WASN’T exactly the last person you’d want having any kind of weapon in their hands because they’re sniveling cowards and you know they’re gonna try to shoot the first mosquito that buzzes their ear without checking to see who’s in the line of fire.

Little dude might’ve been 5’1″, big ol’ mullet…and of course he had a little Saturday night special, which did him absolutely no good whatsoever beyond ensuring that whatever happened to him would be written off as self-defense and that he was handcuffed to the gurney that carried him to the ER. That was in like 1998. Little dude’s probably still in jail. Probably still can’t see through those swollen, blackened eyes either.

It’s long past time for major gun law reform in this country, and if you have a problem with that you are fundamentally arguing that it’s okay with you if innocent people – including little kids in their classrooms – continue dying violently so you don’t have to feel scared shopping for ramen at Walmart. I think that’s so far beneath contempt I can’t even begin describing what I think is the proper way to deal with you, without risking a thirty day ban, and I don’t care if that makes you mad every minute for the rest of your failed and useless life.