Tag: statues

In light of recent events, all the protesting and complaining about the removal of confederate-themed statuary from various US cities has convinced me that the statue defenders are right.  It’s just plain wrong for a bunch of hand-wringing, pearl-clutching liberal pantywaists to try to remove our glorious history by destroying monuments to a breakaway republic that attempted to destroy the United States in the name of owning people.

How could anyone possibly be expected to remember the glorious and noble battle to own black people if we don’t have statues of random traitors scattered about our cities?  Why, pretty soon they’ll be tearing down statues of Christopher Columbus and we’ll forget he discovered our beautiful country!  (*He didn’t.  He never set foot in what became the continental United States.  He was also an incredible dick.  And there were plenty of people here when he got here, as the Vikings almost certainly found out five hundred years before Columbus did.)

So with that in mind, I’ve decided to start a campaign to place this statue of Osama bin Laden in the 200 largest cities in the United States!  Sure, some people might think we’re glorifying a radical terrorist who killed thousands of Americans in an attempt to end the United States – just like those goofy Antifa liberals think that’s what we’re doing with confederate statues – but REAL AMERICANS know the truth:  if we don’t put these statues up, pretty soon people are going to forget all about 9-11 and IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!

TRUE PATRIOTS JOIN NOW!  For your contribution over five hundred dollars, we will inscribe YOUR NAME as a TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT at the bottom of a statue in the city you select, from the list below:

Act now, we’re limited to only five inscriptions per city!

(Disclaimer.  This is obviously a joke at the expense of idiots.  However if you would like to contribute to keeping me in a position to continue creating new work, you can find out more about how to do so here.  Thanks!)