Tom Petty Lied

Date: 2009-05-16
Source: Master_Extraction (lowgenius.net)

Original Text

Tom Petty Lied

Date: 2009-05-16
Source: Master_Extraction (lowgenius.net)

Original Text

No, Tom, the waiting is definitely not the hardest part.

The hardest part is when, for the first time in twenty years, you’re leaving your only child:

• Intentionally
• Without knowing when you’ll ever see her again

That shit is hard, Tommy. Harder than anything you can imagine.

God I’m proud of my kid. She turned out so good. “Proud” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

But….never one time since she was born, have I gone away from her because I made the choice to do so. In 1994, she left to come to NC and I stayed in Michigan, because…well, because I was 23, in a working band, living over an old furniture store, and in no position to try to raise a four year old. In 1998 she left because she wanted to see how living with her mom would work out. In 2005 she left because she wanted to try living in Virginia.

This is the first time in her life…that I have left.

I’ve been crying non-stop since I drove away from her house last night. I just woke up, and I’m crying again now.

If there was anything that could stop me from doing this…the way I feel right now would be it.

But it won’t. It can’t. That’s why I’ve told everyone I’m leaving and made such a big deal out of it and talked about it on and on and on. Not because I think anyone actually gives a rat’s ass – why would they, I’m just some mouthy longhair in the middle of BFE, North Carolina. I mean nothing.

No, I’ve been going on about it because I didn’t want to leave myself any room to change my mind. Because I have to do this. I’m stuck where I am, and if I don’t get out of here, I never will get out of here.

And I have to get out of here. This place…is killing me. Sure there have been a few high spots, but for the most part the last fifteen years have been a long, slow process of having my soul hoovered out of me like so much lint and detritus. Every bit of my real creativity and self-image has been left behind for so long I’m not sure I can ever find it.

There’s a world that needs changing out there, and I’m not gonna change it from here, no matter how badly I might want to.

My bags are packed.

My oil is changed.

My tank is full.

I have half a box of nicotine gum and my little cancerstick tampon inhaler thing – I’m gonna quit smoking on the drive. Have to, it’s killing me just as sure as living in the content sink of Oxford, NC is.

I have six hours of fresh videotape for my camcorder, with which I will be documenting my trip west. I’m even thinking of putting it together in a movie and calling it “Goin’ to California.” Hours of tape and photos of me making my way from Oxford, North Carolina to Sacramento, California to see if the last 15 years or so I’ve spent hibernating has done me any good, or if it will do the rest of the world any good.

I’m counting the last few hours of Life As I Know it.

Why I think anyone but me cares, I don’t know. But read the site banner 😉

I’m scared out of my wits. My biggest worry is whether I’ll even make it all the way there in one piece without my car dying or something else happening.

But I’ll go. Because I have to, and because I want to. I’ve wanted to for years.

But I’m here to tell you folks…you don’t know what goodbye means until you drive away from your little girl – your little girl who is now almost seven months in to making a little girl or boy of her own – for the last time.

It’s not often in my life over the last few years that I’ve been able to honestly say “I’ve never, ever done this before.”

For the first time since March 8, 1989, at approximately 1:15 in the afternoon, I’m walking away from my daughter on purpose.

I’ve been on stages in front of thousands of people.

I’ve been in wrestling wrings with guys who smacked me so hard across the chest that my nipples are still sticking out of my shoulder blades.

I’ve ended relationships.

I’ve walked away from friendships, for good reasons, bad reasons, and sometimes no reason at all (which is probably the worst reason).

I’ve been in business and if not rich certain more comfortable than average, and I’ve been (mostly) broke.

I passed my SAT in 7th grade, age 12, with a 650 math and 710 verbal. I once had a guy pull a gun on me and put it to my head while I was driving a cab, and not only lived but got the guy to drop the gun (long story that I might never bother telling).

I’ve lived a life that, in spite of the fact that I’m a chronic broke-ass, most people would in some respects barely dare to dream of.

Some things I’ve done, I’m just barely lucky to have lived through. Some things I’ve done, many people would give anything to live through.

People think I talk a lot of smack and act like I think people should listen to me and make up stories about how I’ve done all this cool stuff in my life, but there’s a lot more that I don’t talk about…mostly because I know that nobody believes half the stuff I do talk about, so why pile it on even thicker? I’ve got my memories (and my memory holes). (A longer conversation on this point will be another post.)

But saying goodbye to my daughter….this precious, golden, shining, beautiful, intelligent, and good-natured human being that I watched come squishing and sliding and screaming into the world and built and shaped and have done my best, for better or worse – for the last twenty years, two months, 7 days, nineteen hours, and six minutes – to give all the good parts of me to use as her own, and keep all the bad parts hidden away to myself so they wouldn’t infect her…

…is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and probably the hardest thing I ever will do.

The only thing that I can imagine will be harder is burying my parents when the time comes, and I’m not sure that will be as hard as this.

My bags are packed.

My oil is changed.

My tank is full.

I have half a box of nicotine gum and my little cancerstick tampon inhaler thing.

I have my cell phone, my video camera, my computer, four boxes of clothes, and maybe I’ll have as many as two other boxes with electronics and toiletries and such.

My eyes seem to have sprung a permanent leak.

I’ve got a couple hundred bucks, and more available if I need it (and it’s looking more and more like I probably will).

In roughly 72 hours – maybe less, we’ll see what I feel like Monday night – I am going to get in my car and go.

I’m going to do things I’ve never done, see things I’ve never seen, walk places I’ve never walked, and be things I’ve never been.

Wish me luck, pray for me, burn a candle, sacrifice a virgin…whatever your thing is, I’m gonna need all the positive energy I can get.

“I don’t remember half the time if I’m hidin’ or I’m lost,
But I’m on my way…” – * Soundgarden, Searching With My Good Eye Closed