Support Historical Statues (Fundraiser) • John Henry

In light of recent events, all the protesting and complaining about the removal of confederate-themed statuary from various US cities has convinced me that the statue defenders are right. It’s just plain wrong for a bunch of hand-wringing, pearl-clutching liberal pantywaists to try to remove our glorious history by destroying monuments to a breakaway republic that attempted to destroy the United States in the name of owning people.

How could anyone possibly be expected to remember the glorious and noble battle to own black people if we don’t have statues of random traitors scattered about our cities? Why, pretty soon they’ll be tearing down statues of Christopher Columbus and we’ll forget he discovered our beautiful country! (*He didn’t. He never set foot in what became the continental United States. He was also an incredible dick. And there were plenty of people here when he got here, as the Vikings almost certainly found out five hundred years before Columbus did.)

So with that in mind, I’ve decided to start a campaign to place this statue of Osama bin Laden in the 200 largest cities in the United States! Sure, some people might think we’re glorifying a radical terrorist who killed thousands of Americans in an attempt to end the United States – just like those goofy Antifa liberals think that’s what we’re doing with confederate statues – but REAL AMERICANS know the truth: if we don’t put these statues up, pretty soon people are going to forget all about 9-11 and IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!

TRUE PATRIOTS JOIN NOW! For your contribution over five hundred dollars, we will inscribe YOUR NAME as a TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT at the bottom of a statue in the city you select, from the list below:

	New York	New York	8,323,340
2	Los Angeles	California	4,015,940
3	Chicago	Illinois	2,694,240
4	Houston	Texas	2,340,890
5	Phoenix	Arizona	1,703,080
6	Philadelphia	Pennsylvania	1,591,800
7	San Antonio	Texas	1,578,030
8	San Diego	California	1,447,100
9	Dallas	Texas	1,382,270
10	San Jose	California	1,033,670
11	Austin	Texas	988,218
12	Fort Worth	Texas	932,116
13	Jacksonville	Florida	926,371
14	Columbus	Ohio	922,223
15	Charlotte	North Carolina	905,318
16	San Francisco	California	896,047
17	Indianapolis	Indiana	875,929
18	Seattle	Washington	783,137
19	Denver	Colorado	734,134
20	Washington	District of Columbia	720,687
21	Boston	Massachusetts	710,195
22	El Paso	Texas	685,575
23	Nashville	Tennessee	673,167
24	Detroit	Michigan	667,272
25	Portland	Oregon	664,103
26	Las Vegas	Nevada	662,000
27	Oklahoma City	Oklahoma	655,407
28	Memphis	Tennessee	647,374
29	Louisville	Kentucky	624,890
30	Baltimore	Maryland	590,479
31	Milwaukee	Wisconsin	585,589
32	Albuquerque	New Mexico	561,188
33	Tucson	Arizona	553,871
34	Fresno	California	538,195
35	Mesa	Arizona	527,666
36	Atlanta	Georgia	523,738
37	Sacramento	California	521,769
38	Kansas City	Missouri	505,198
39	Miami	Florida	486,388
40	Colorado Springs	Colorado	485,946
41	Raleigh	North Carolina	481,958
42	Omaha	Nebraska	470,702
43	Long Beach	California	463,218
44	Virginia Beach	Virginia	447,841
45	Minneapolis	Minnesota	437,069
46	Oakland	California	435,224
47	Tampa	Florida	413,704
48	Arlington	Texas	402,762
49	Tulsa	Oklahoma	396,543
50	Bakersfield	California	390,233
51	New Orleans	Louisiana	390,128
52	Wichita	Kansas	388,771
53	Aurora	Colorado	382,742
54	Cleveland	Ohio	379,233
55	Anaheim	California	352,911
56	Honolulu	Hawaii	342,933
57	Riverside	California	336,285
58	San Juan	Puerto Rico	331,165
59	Santa Ana	California	330,389
60	Henderson	Nevada	330,084
61	Lexington	Kentucky	328,690
62	Corpus Christi	Texas	325,406
63	Stockton	California	316,996
64	St. Paul	Minnesota	311,895
65	Cincinnati	Ohio	306,487
66	Irvine	California	303,956
67	Greensboro	North Carolina	299,946
68	Pittsburgh	Pennsylvania	294,860
69	Lincoln	Nebraska	293,905
70	St. Louis	Missouri	293,792
71	Orlando	Florida	291,739
72	Plano	Texas	288,539
73	Anchorage	Alaska	285,634
74	Newark	New Jersey	282,862
75	Durham	North Carolina	282,737
76	Chula Vista	California	277,289
77	St. Petersburg	Florida	271,842
78	Jersey City	New Jersey	271,099
79	Fort Wayne	Indiana	270,989
80	Toledo	Ohio	270,651
81	Chandler	Arizona	268,675
82	Laredo	Texas	264,703
83	Madison	Wisconsin	264,030
84	Scottsdale	Arizona	262,222
85	Lubbock	Texas	260,823
86	Reno	Nevada	260,258
87	Gilbert	Arizona	258,935
88	Buffalo	New York	255,244
89	Glendale	Arizona	254,500
90	North Las Vegas	Nevada	253,923
91	Winston-Salem	North Carolina	251,762
92	Chesapeake	Virginia	248,106
93	Garland	Texas	246,627
94	Irving	Texas	243,738
95	Hialeah	Florida	243,208
96	Norfolk	Virginia	242,234
97	Fremont	California	239,525
98	Boise	Idaho	234,576
99	Paradise	Nevada	233,689
100	Richmond	Virginia	232,055
101	Arlington	Virginia	231,803
102	Spokane	Washington	223,266
103	Tacoma	Washington	222,603
104	Modesto	California	218,758
105	Fontana	California	218,573
106	Des Moines	Iowa	217,891
107	San Bernardino	California	217,671
108	Baton Rouge	Louisiana	216,701
109	Frisco	Texas	215,060
110	Salt Lake City	Utah	213,367
111	Moreno Valley	California	212,992
112	Oxnard	California	212,715
113	Santa Clarita	California	210,543
114	Birmingham	Alabama	208,940
115	McKinney	Texas	208,487
116	Port St. Lucie	Florida	206,410
117	Fayetteville	North Carolina	205,646
118	Grand Rapids	Michigan	205,289
119	Glendale	California	204,765
120	Rochester	New York	203,792
121	Huntsville	Alabama	202,910
122	Amarillo	Texas	202,028
123	Huntington Beach	California	201,941
124	Spring Valley	Nevada	199,722
125	Cape Coral	Florida	199,503
126	Tallahassee	Florida	199,205
127	Yonkers	New York	199,021
128	Aurora	Illinois	198,870
129	Grand Prairie	Texas	198,442
130	Akron	Ohio	198,148
131	Little Rock	Arkansas	197,371
132	Montgomery	Alabama	197,282
133	Overland Park	Kansas	196,636
134	Augusta	Georgia	196,303
135	Tempe	Arizona	194,218
136	Sunrise Manor	Nevada	192,934
137	Knoxville	Tennessee	191,060
138	Sioux Falls	South Dakota	190,519
139	Columbus	Georgia	189,296
140	Mobile	Alabama	186,804
141	Ontario	California	186,653
142	Vancouver	Washington	186,516
143	Worcester	Massachusetts	186,433
144	Fort Lauderdale	Florida	184,599
145	Chattanooga	Tennessee	184,143
146	Shreveport	Louisiana	183,819
147	Brownsville	Texas	183,748
148	Peoria	Arizona	180,219
149	Rancho Cucamonga	California	180,031
150	Salem	Oregon	179,944
151	Providence	Rhode Island	178,901
152	Eugene	Oregon	178,329
153	Elk Grove	California	177,406
154	Santa Rosa	California	177,132
155	Newport News	Virginia	177,064
156	Pembroke Pines	Florida	177,058
157	Oceanside	California	176,950
158	Cary	North Carolina	175,102
159	Fort Collins	Colorado	172,862
160	Corona	California	171,213
161	Garden Grove	California	170,328
162	Springfield	Missouri	169,552
163	Alexandria	Virginia	165,748
164	Bayamon	Puerto Rico	165,383
165	Clarksville	Tennessee	164,496
166	Enterprise	Nevada	164,314
167	Hayward	California	161,314
168	Jackson	Mississippi	160,080
169	Lakewood	Colorado	158,660
170	Lancaster	California	158,627
171	Hollywood	Florida	158,239
172	Palmdale	California	156,299
173	Salinas	California	155,619
174	Springfield	Massachusetts	155,472
175	Bellevue	Washington	154,647
176	Killeen	Texas	153,973
177	Kansas City	Kansas	153,600
178	Macon County	Georgia	152,519
179	Sunnyvale	California	152,427
180	Pomona	California	152,405
181	Escondido	California	152,245
182	Pasadena	Texas	151,891
183	Murfreesboro	Tennessee	151,066
184	Naperville	Illinois	149,196
185	Joliet	Illinois	148,227
186	Paterson	New Jersey	145,871
187	Savannah	Georgia	145,754
188	Rockford	Illinois	145,020
189	Midland	Texas	145,012
190	McAllen	Texas	144,279
191	Waco	Texas	144,015
192	Roseville	California	143,921
193	Torrance	California	143,912
194	Thornton	Colorado	143,890
195	Metairie	Louisiana	143,481
196	Miramar	Florida	143,219
197	Bridgeport	Connecticut	143,010
198	Olathe	Kansas	142,841
199	Denton	Texas	142,173
200	Surprise	Arizona	142,049

Act now, we’re limited to only five inscriptions per city!

(Disclaimer. This is obviously a joke at the expense of idiots. However if you would like to contribute to keeping me in a position to continue creating new work, you can find out more about how to do so here. Thanks!)

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